Monday, May 30, 2005

Censoring

I'm not even going to bother with censoring words anymore. Why? Because it takes time finding the words and censoring them, as I don't do it while I write the paper. The stars just look wrong. I don't like stars in my writing. Also, because when I do censor them, I miss words that I should censor. I don't want to look at the page and go "D'oh!! I missed another one!" I'm going to uncensor the words, because, once again, the stars look wrong. I like WORDS uncensored (words, people.... get your heads out of the gutter!!!), for some reason. It just looks better without all the weird symbols in the writing. OK?! Is that fine with you people? If you have a problem with the profanity, then you shouldn't be reading this story at all. Seriously, people.


ALSO, I would REALLY like it if people told me what they think of the story. So far, anyway. I want to know what needs work, what I should change... things like that. PLEASE COMMENT PEOPLES!!!!

Friday, May 27, 2005

[Part 6] White Walls

I heard voices around me. Talking about… nonsense. My head was pounding and I could tell I was in a very bright room… I wasn't dead. Was I in a hospital? I groaned and opened my eyes to see Mike standing next to me. I blinked many times, the lights weren't helping with my headache at all. He smiled when I looked at him. My eyes got watery… why didn't he just let me die?

"She's awake!" I heard Dave yell at the top of his lungs.

"Dave…. Shut. The. Fuck. Up." I moaned, putting my hand on my forehead. Mike smiled wider, showing off some of his teeth.

The doctor (or what seemed to be the doctor) walked to the other side of my hospital bed. "I guess she's fine now, right?" he said, looking over to Mike. After a few seconds, Mike realized the doctor was talking to him and looked at the doctor as he spoke, "Uh, yea, she's always like that," he turned back to me with a saddened face, making me feel uncomfortable.

Helen appeared by Mike’s side, her eyes red from crying. "Sera, don't you ever do that again! I almost passed out when I heard what happened. I was so fucking worried!"

I gave her a sympathetic look, "It's okay, Helen, I won't do it again. Who else is here?" I asked.

"Well, you know me, Dave, and Helen are here, I'm guessing," said Mike, "Ben and Kate are here too, but I think they went to go get snacks…" he looked over to Dave who nodded.

"W-what about my parents?" I asked, worried. I never considered what would've happened if I lived. Mike looked down at the bed sheets, trying to straighten them with his hand. Helen looked away quickly. "What happened?!"

The doctor cleared his throat. "Um, well, your parents were in a car crash on their way here…"

"AND?!" I felt sorry for the doctor, he probably had to give bad news to people everyday. I guess I wasn't really helping.

He took a deep breath before continuing, "Well, neither of them are dead. That's the good news." He spoke those words quickly, wanting to get over it faster, I believe, or just because I put him under the pressure to tell me.

I took a deep breath, calming myself. I looked at the wound that caused my parents to crash. It was stitched up. I didn't realize I cut in that deep. It was also still raw… but no longer bleeding, as if they just took the bandage off right before I woke up.

"Mike," I said quietly.

"Huh?" he said, bringing new attention to me.

"…Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you save me?" I said, still looking at the wound.

"I couldn’t just watch you die, Sera. I care about you too much. You're my friend, and friends look after each other," I lowered my head, thinking.

"NO!! It's my chocolate!" yelled Kate as she opened the door. Every head in the room turned at looked at her and Ben walking in with the snacks they got. She looked around, "Heh, sorry."

Ben looked at Kate then to the rest of us, seeing me laying there. "Oh! Sera, you're awake!" He ran over to me with Kate on his tail.

"Hey, guys," I said softly.

"How are you feeling?" asked Ben.

"Uh, I'm okay. I'm still kinda woozy, but I have a really bad headache."

"I'm sorry," said Kate, eating her chocolate, "Hey, want some chocolate?" she handed me one of her candy bars that wasn't open.

"Sure!" I said, smiling and grabbing it immediately.

"Hey!" Ben said, looking at his girlfriend.

"What?" Kate said, shrugging.

"How come Sera gets chocolate and I don't?"

"Because you, my friend, didn't pass out from self-mutilation."

Ben looked at the ground, "That's true…" he whispered.


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ok, Megan is tired! She just watched Pirates of the Carribean and almost fell asleep during it. I don't know why I speak in third person sometimes... I just do. Well, night people! And really bad eggs.... k, I'm done

Monday, May 23, 2005

[Part 5] Silent Tears and Bloody Fears

WARNING!! Violence... and stuff. Just warning you...

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So, he knew. Mike finally knew my secret, even though I didn't tell him in the way I wanted to. The wind seemed quieter, the world seemed deader, the forest felt as if it was closing in on me…. I thought there was supposed to be happiness and fireworks when someone declared their love for another. But I guess it wasn't meant to be. I've shed too many tears to give up, but then again, maybe I have cried too much that I need to give up.

I quietly walked to the swing set and slung my backpack over my back. I made my slow walk home, crying silently, eyes on the ground. When I got home, I ran to my room and slammed the door closed, putting on loud music to drown my thoughts. I laid on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I thought he was the one. I thought he would always be there for the rest of my life… I guess your life can never be planned out. So many detours, closed roads, traffic, and delays.

After a half hour or so, there was a knock on my door. I was surprised I heard it over the music that was blasting in my ears. I ignored it as I usually did. "Sera?" I couldn’t tell who the speaker was over the music, so I just laid there, not caring about anything. "Sera, I’m coming in, so I hope you’re decent." I'm never "decent"… I heard the knob jiggle. "The fuck, Sera?" I locked the door, which I barely ever do.

I sat up, sighing, and reached over to my nightstand where a pocket knife could be found. I grasped it tight in my shaky hands, tears silently flowing. I rolled up the sleeve of my hoodie, which I hadn't taken off yet, and looked at the pale skin underneath it. It showed scars of my other life events. I opened the pocket knife to expose the sharp knife that saved my life so many times. "Sera!! Open the fucking door!" I got off of my bed and changed the song on the stereo, knowing now the person on the other side of the door was Mike. I didn't care.

–"Please, please forgive me. But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll have woke up, and barely conscious, you'll say to no one: 'Isn't something missing?' You won’t cry for my absence, I know- you forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant? Am I so insignificant? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?..."-

"Holy fuck, Sera!! I know this is your suicidal song!" Mike said, banging on the door with his fists.

I sat on my bed, still grasping the knife, singing along with Amy Lee, as tears still slid down my cheeks. I took my pocket knife and slowly put the edge to my exposed wrist. I put more force on it and I felt a shot of pain. Blood was staining the knife as it escaped my wound. It felt good and took my pain away. The red blood mixed with fallen tears slid off my wrist, forever staining my bed. I never cut in this deep before. Mike was still hitting on the door as I grew light-headed.

Mike finally burst the door open as "Missing" was ending. Who knows how he got in, I didn't care. I was as good as dead anyway. "Sera!" Mike yelled as I blacked out, his voice echoing in my mind.


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Wow, I never realized how short that was ^_^. Yes, I know I'm evil *big grin*. Oh, and for those of you who DON'T know, Sera is NOT dead!

Saturday, May 07, 2005

[Part 4] The Truth

But we were too slow. The bell rang. We ran together into math and sat down. Mike, I noticed was in the front, even though Beth wasn’t even in this class. Was he avoiding me? We couldn't find him during lunch or in between classes. For the past week, I had found this somewhat good, but now, I couldn't stand it. I needed to see him. Sort this thing all out. Then I remembered what Mike had said in the morning: "I'll tell you after school." When the bell rang, signally the end of another school day and the beginning of a weekend, I went on the front grounds, just waiting for something to happen.

I stood by a pole, leaning on it, and waiting for Mike, I guess. I couldn't believe after all these years being friends, he would just ignore me. He was always there for me. Taking the blame, getting hurt, making me laugh, comforting me when my sister died, everything. We did everything together, and now, because of this Beth person, that's all changed.

"BOO!" yelled a voice in my ear.

I turned to Mike, "Dude, that doesn't work anymore in a big loud crowd."

He lowered his head, as if defeated. He looked back to me after a while. "So, you remembered…. Uh, wanna take a walk?"

It was Friday, I didn't care what would happen, "Well, sure, I guess."

As we walked I could still feel that knot in my stomach. We didn't talk much either. Until I finally said, "What were you going to tell me?" without looking at him.

There was a pause for a bit, then he said "Well, the other guys said I should talk to you, since, we really haven’t talked." More silence. We came upon the park. I sat on a swing, holding on to the chains, and keeping my feet off the ground for no real reason at all. "That's what I'm sorry about, mainly. That I haven't talked to you. Ignoring my best friends to be with Beth."

I looked at my feet. I was amazed how the whole world seemed deserted, especially the park. It was usually occupied by a few kids, but not today. I decided to break the eerie silence. "I hate her…"

"I kinda figured that, Sera."

"She's a fucking whore… what do you see in her?" I said, my eyes still focused on the black shoes I bought.

"No, she's not. She's really nice and funny."

"Oh, and that's it?" I said, my anger rising. I finally looked up. He was leaning against a bar that kept the swing set up, looking straight at me. I could see both of our backpacks by him.

"Sera, I know you hate her… but, you don't understand my feelings toward her."

"Well, I guess not!" I stood up, "But you haven't heard her around her friends without you. They talk shit about you, and she gets in the conversation, she doesn't defend you." Mike's eyes were filled with confusion. "The rest of us, your friends, don't like her. Can't you just agree with us for once? We all want you to dump her, for your own good. We don't want anything bad to happen to you." My eyes were tearing up, and there was nothing I could do about it. "Why are you doing this to all of us? We are scattered without you in the group. We need you." Tears were consuming me, my voice sobbing.

"Sera…" I could barely see him through the tears. He was getting nearer. "Don't cry."

I slapped away the hand he was putting on my shoulder and ran. I wiped away tears as the wind blew past me. I ran and ran until I collapsed in the forest by the park, next to the river. The area was also, strangely empty.

"Sera!" Mike was following me. I just sat there looking down at the rapids. I had a great urge to just jump and end it all, even though I knew the jump or fall wouldn't kill me… the river was only five feet away, "Sera…" My tears flowed like the river I watched. "Are you okay?"

I looked at him with my sad eyes as he sat next to me. "No," I simply said.

"Why are you crying?"

"W-why do you think?"

"Come on, tell me." He said, wiping away some of my fallen tears.

"I'm crying because—" I was overwhelmed by tears and stopped.

"Because what, Sera? The guys wanted me to talk to you… just tell me…"

I looked in his eyes, even though everything was still slightly blurry, "Because of you, Mike… it's all your fault."

I could tell he had a surprised expression on his face. "W-what's my fault?"

I stood up, trying to get some of my confidence back, "It's your fault that I love you. I fucking love you and you haven't even noticed… you just ignore me, and—" I walked away, not wanting to say anything more. I headed back top the swing set to get my backpack and just go home.



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Sorry, it took longer than I suspected to get out... I was busy with other stuff. But I did get it out in less than a week, right? I feel that Sera should tell him in a different way... but I duno... sort of like when Mike asks Sera if she's okay, she would give a sarcastic answer, but I duno where to go from there.... ='( sad, I know.

Monday, May 02, 2005

[Part 3] The Notebook

I wasn't sure if I should've gone to school the next day, but I did. I didn't want people worrying about me… even if it would only be in my tight circle of friends. "Hey, Sera!" I turned around. "How are you doing today? Feeling better?" It was Dave, one of my close friends. He was kind of perverted, but I've gotten somewhat used to it.

"Yes, Dave, I'm fine," I said, walking past him. He then took the chance to pinch my butt. I grabbed his arm immediately and started twisting it. I let go and hit him with my backpack. "Dave! You are such a fucking perv!!"

"It's nice of you to notice," Dave said, bowing. His green eyes never leaving my blue ones. His dark hair was all messed up now, well, more than usual, since I swung my backpack at him.

I turned around and continued walking, away from Dave as a smile tugged at my mouth. He was pretty cool if you forget about the fact that he's a total pervert. I looked back and noticed he was hitting on one of the cheerleaders. She smacked him and walked away quickly. I saw him grin before I ran into someone.

I hit the ground as papers flew everywhere. "The fudge?" I moaned, rubbing my head.

"I'm sorry about that, really," the voice I know all too well said. I knew who it was before I looked at them. They held out a hand and I grabbed it, so they could pull me up.

"I'm sorry, Mike, I-I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going."

"No, I'm sorry about… everything."

I looked into his hazel eyes, searching for something; anything, "W-what?"

Mike sighed. "I'll tell you after school. See ya later, Sera."

And so he went, he didn't even bother to help pick up the papers. I picked them up, looking at each. Then I spotted a drawing, one that I had made. The one of Mike I drew yesterday. "But…" I started. My eyes went wide, and I searched my backpack for my notebook. It wasn't there. I must've left it at school yesterday! Holy fucking SHIT!!

I started searching for Helen. Where was my freaking notebook? The bell rang and I groaned in annoyance. Another day in Hell’s paradise.

I usually sat next to Mike in Homeroom, but today, as it's been for the past week, the seat to my right was empty. I sighed, both glad and sad at the same time that he wasn't there. I wanted answers, but my heart was shattered. I stared out the window, wishing my feelings could just fly out it and go away, so far away that I won't meet with them again.

"Daydreaming again, Miss Lander?"

I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Ms. Fern a few feet away. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, "Uh, sorry Ms. Fern, I was just l-looking at the birds," I said, uncomfortably.

She kept staring at me with her old, cold, grey eyes. "Sure. Yesterday the clouds, today the birds. Pay attention, Miss Lander." There were a few snickers from the class and then Ms. Fern went back to the front of the room. Many people's eyes were still on me, including Mike's. The knot in my stomach tightened and I paid attention to my eerily interesting hands. Hmm… I need to cut my fingernails again…

I caught Helen in the hall between classes about an hour later. "Helen," I said walking up to her. She was at her locker, her back to me.

"Oh, hey, Sera," she said, turning to me, "Feeling better? I couldn't find you this morning—"

"Helen," I cut her off, "where is my notebook?"

"Your notebook? Oh yea, I noticed you left your notebook behind, so I grabbed it—"

"And? Where is it?"

She continued like I didn’t interrupt her. "The next class, Chem., Mike asked me were you were, and I told him you went home sick. He noticed I had your notebook and said that he wanted to look through it during class. I said sure, and gave it to him, since chemistry is kinda boring, especially yesterday's lesson."

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "But where is my fucking notebook?"

"Mike has it."

"SHIT!"

"What?"

"Yesterday during lunch, I drew a picture of him in it… I ran into him this morning and he dropped that drawing!"

Helen's eyes went wide. “We have to find him."

"Uh, YEAH!!"



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I'm SORRY it took so long.... I'll get the next part up in a few days, I PROMISE!!!


OK!! PEOPLE!! gather.... gather here.... and listen to me ramble on... about nonsense and such. I am holding a "contest", if you please. The objective is to find out why/how/or where I found/figured out that the title (There's Nothing Left to Do) is such. First person to get it correct gets something very special. ^_^ good luck